Tuesday morning on FirstNews, there was a story about giving your pooch an IQ test. This is not a new concept but, apparently, internal broadcast research indicated that we were losing the key dog demographic hence, the story about how to determine if your dog is a “Canine Einstein.” That’s the phrase used in the story on Tuesday morning, but, really, there is a big difference between knowing enough not to drink out of the toilet and coming up with E=MC squared.
There are a variety of tests given to figure out if your mutt has more than just slobber on the ball:
Towel Test: You place a towel on your dog’s head. The quicker he figures out how to get out from under, the brighter. (Financially speaking, I’ve not figured out how to get out from under so that may reflect on my lack of economic intelligence.) I think this test is misleading. Our dog, Casey, would probably let the towel sit there until there was a compelling reason to shake it off. It would not be a question of intelligence. It would be a question of motivation. Casey is sweet as can be but he is energy-challenged, also known as lazy. If he is stretched out in the living room and you drop a piece of cheese or M&M in the kitchen, he will look at you, without raising his head, and make it clear that he’d like the dropped item if you could just push it over. I do. I am well-trained. Also, I have at least two children who wouldn’t move the towel either even if you do drop some food on the floor.
Favorite Spot: You rearrange the furniture in the living room with the dog out of the room. Then, you let him in and see if he can still find his favorite spot. First of all, if you are taking time to rearrange the furniture just to fake out the dog, you’ve got too much time on your hands. Secondly, this test, in attempting to show the dog’s ability to find a “favorite spot” discounts the possible adaptability of the furry friend. For example, Casey’s “favorite spot” is anyplace he can recline. Take away the sofa? Fine. He’ll use the pillow on the floor. Remove that? He’s happy on the floor itself. Force him off the carpet onto the hardwood floor and he’ll still doze easily. Force him out the door and he’ll take the car, find a Ramada Inn and make himself at home.
Take A Walk: This one is really silly. Pick up the leash. If your dog gets excited, the dog gets some IQ points. If the tester gets excited, the tester loses some IQ points. I’ve never known a dog that didn’t think it was cool to go for a walk. A professor of physiology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, says that the best piece of exercise equipment you can have is A DOG! A treadmill can’t stare at you with big, sad, guilt-inducing eyes…imploring you to get off your widening posterior, drop the bag of Cheetos and take a stroll. When it comes to physical activity, like taking a walk, of course dogs are smart…smarter than their humans in many cases.
By the way, Casey walks everyday and puts the lie to the notion that dogs don’t remember things. You know, you hear that it makes no sense to scold a dog for leaving a tightly coiled gift on the carpet unless you do it immediately because the pups just don’t recall doing the deed. I don’t buy that. On our walks, Casey always remembers where he saw a deer or smelled something interesting. Also, he knows, hours and days later, when he’s been less than stellar in his behavior. His eyes become little slits and he slinks around the house, racked with guilt and remorse. Of course, the performance works and Casey ends up with more treats and affection than otherwise forthcoming.
The Dog IQ Test described on Tuesday’s FirstNews costs fifty bucks. $50.00! So, you tell me, who needs his head examined? The dog or the person forking over the dough. A human brain weighs around three pounds. A dog’s is measured in ounces. Regardless of what the tests may say, clearly, a dog is getting much more out of his raw materials than most of us two-legged creatures. Factor in the size of a dog’s heart, and I’m afraid the pups probably win over most humans, paws down.
