Whiner Alert!
I have caught a cold. I don’t know why we say “caught” as if it is something we all pursue with happy, reckless abandon. I’m also not sure why we say “under the weather.” My extensive research, meaning I Googled it, indicates that the phrase may be from sailors who got seasick and went below deck putting them “under the weather.”
The Skipper…flirting with Bird Flu!
These are the types of things one thinks about when in a Robitussin stupor.
Truth be told, I don’t get sick very often. As those of you who work odd, overnight kind of hours well know, the amazing thing is not that we get a cold now and then. The amazing thing is that we don’t have a cold all the time. Lack of sleep…and the right kind of deep sleep, in particular…is a major health crusher. Speaking just for me, getting up in the middle of the night to head for work gets harder as I get older. At some point, my six alarm clocks won’t be enough. Some morning I just won’t be able to answer the bell…uh, bells.
Again, ramblings of a stuffed-up head and rattling chest. Mixed in with all the “poor me” nonsense is a memory of one of the last times I was a mucous factory.
Well, I was asking for it that time around.
A few years back, our second oldest son, Taylor, came home from school complaining about how lousy he felt. His throat was scratchy. His head was stuffed up. He sounded pretty rough. Instead of expressing parental empathy, I got cocky. “Oh, quit your (pronounced ‘kwitcher’) whining (pronounced ‘whinin’)! I am over twice your age and I haven’t gotten sick in years! Ha Ha Ha!” I sneeringly replied. Within minutes, I could feel the “bleeeaaachh” settle in on me.
When the kids were little, I picked up any germ they brought home. They were like Petri dishes carrying Power Ranger back-packs. Whatever the bacteria or is that bacterium…or is the bacterium where the bacteria go for lunch? Anyhow, every little bug eventually attacked my throat. I firmly believe this has been a sign from above that, just maybe, broadcasting is not the true career path for me. In the early days of FirstNews, I’d have to croak my way through the show a couple of times a year. This was before e-mail and voice-mail but I’d always get a phone call from the same, kindly, worried woman telling me that my laryngitis was due to some very serious…probably terminal… disease. She told me this for five years.
I am sincerely thankful for her concern and for all the remedies that get sent my way when things get froggy. Really, when my voice goes it is not just a frog…it is the whole pond. People have said try tea with honey and lemon…warm, not-yet-firm jello…whiskey (can you imagine how completely unintelligible my forecasts would be if I did that? Okay, not that different.)…Airborne plus Red Hots! That last idea came from some ladies at a Price Chopper in Grandview. The Airborne is good stuff but the Red Hots scare me!
The only real way to get one’s voice back, according to medical types I’ve heard from, is plenty of water plus sleep. Oh, and keep your big yapper closed, for a change! Of course, the producers and co-anchors of FirstNews, as well as the management here at KMBC, are very supportive and encourage me to stay home…even when I’m feeling and sounding okay.
Feeling under the weather really tends to cramp my style. For example, a major part of my parenting technique has to do with raising my voice to a noticeable volume. Known by some children in my house as “yelling.” They all love it when my voice is shot because crinkling my brow and furiously snapping my fingers is much easier to ignore.
The upshot of all this is that Taylor, the original “host body” of this particular head-filling sludge, bounced back quickly, while I sounded like the poor possessed kid in The Exorcist for many days.
At least my head was just stuffed up and not spinning like a top. Yet.
